The Best Husband

First of all, I'm a week behind on blogging because my brain is fried from painting. This weekend we got the porch, living room, dining room and bathroom painted. Thanks to the help of Mom & Dad Hopkins, the lawn looks lovely and I cannot wait to post a picture of my gorgeous new Hibiscus plant. I sing to her in the morning. She's the star of the garden. I have yet to take pictures and post them because I'm simply beat.
This week I've been incredibly stressed out with the house, work, and the kids. My nerves have also been stretched on end with reconfiguring finances in light of kids who cost more by the month and consume more time and energy than I have to give. And I'm very human and have to swallow resentment when I desperately want a new Kate Spade purse and designer boots for the fall but the kids have a million needs and we can't afford my taste and care for the children at the same time. If you catch me in a vulnerable moment you could get me to cry by saying hello. Just ask my husband. I about bawled when I saw him pull out a tray of mandarin oranges he purchased for the kids' lunch at the store while I was away at a women's meeting tonight. Mind you, I shopped for three hours at three different stores this morning to stock up on what I thought my family needed for the week. I exploded, "WE HAVE FRUIT IN THE FRIDGE! IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN ME, WHY DON'T YOU DO ALL THE GROCERY SHOPPING? AND ALL THE COOKING? AND ALL THE CLEANING? AND MAKE ALL THE LUNCHES AND DINNERS? AND SHOW THE HOUSE? I'M DOING IT ALL AND I'M DOING MY BEST AND OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH IF YOU NEED TO MAKE A SPECIAL TRIP TO THE STORE!" I was near tears. Poor Jeff was dumbfounded. He's not used to living with a hormonally-driven crazy woman who's out of her element in caring for a family of four.
Jeff is wonderful. I don't know anyone else on earth who can so lovingly deal with someone like me. I'm so emotional. He's rock solid. And he always makes me feel loved no matter how crazy I get. At the end of my outburst, he just hugged me and said, "Honey, I think you're doing a great job. I love you so much and appreciate everything you do." Of course I apologized for being so irrational. I don't even have my period. I'm just so driven by my feelings, especially when I'm stressed, and feel like no matter what I do it's not enough.
But Jeff hugs and compliments me like crazy throughout the day and makes me feel incredibly loved. Most days I'm showered with "You're so beautiful," "You're the best cook," "You're so great with the kids," "I love being with you." People ask why my marriage is worth all the work. I point to the fact that my husband makes me feel like the most loved person in the world.
I am so wild about Jeff. I would crawl to hell and back to marry him all over again because he makes me feel so loved and he's frankly the most darling thing I've ever laid eyes on. I don't care if he never picks up his socks, never does yard work, and burdens us with financial obligations due to his past and two children.
I'd pretty much do whatever Jeff asks me to do because he's the greatest companion and I remind him at least a dozen times a night how much I love and respect him. I just think it's so true that if you make a woman feel like she's so loved, she will do anything for you. I would do absolutely anything for Jeff and as hard as it can be, I can't imagine life without him.

On the next...Oprah

Wednesday morning at 7:15 a.m., Amber and I drove to Chicago to attend the 11am taping of an Oprah Show. I've been calling for tickets on and off for the past year but could never get through the phone line. I've heard it's either busy for hours on end or you get right through after calling. Well, I saw on her website that last-minute reservations for an August taping were available so I emailed and asked for two tickets and I was out of my mind thrilled to get them!
We got to the studio at about 10:15, waited in line and went through security until noon...then waited another hour for them to escort us into the studio for the taping. While waiting, I met the most interesting people who flew from Ohio, Florida, and a family who drove from Indiana to attend this taping! One woman stood up after the show and said she WALKED FROM FLORIDA and called her trek "Destination Oprah." Unbelievable.
Well, before the show, I pumped the woman next to me for information on the show's topic. This woman had her friend at Harpo hook up her tickets so I knew she must know something! She was sworn to secrecy not to tell but finally confessed that it was about cheating husbands. Specifically, the show was called, "WHY MEN CHEAT." Ugh. My heart sunk at the downer of a topic.

But when I walked through the doors of her studio, I was in awe. It's a lot smaller than you think it'd be. And Oprah looks great in person. The setting feels really intimate. It's surreal to be sitting in a place you're so familiar with on television. The author of "The Truth About Cheating" was interviewed after conducting research on the emotional roots of male infidelity. He specializes in divorce prevention and wanted to equip women with ways to prevent their husbands from straying and also discern the signs that their husbands may be cheating.
Couples on the show shared heartbreaking stories of infidelity. Since my father cheated on my mother...and I married someone whose wife had an affair...I felt uncomfortable by some of what people shared. Amber and I tensed up during taping. One woman shared that she and her husband were married 18 years and had two kids. They become great friends with another couple...and her husband ran away with the other woman she had become so close to. You need to be so careful about having boundaries even with couple-friends.
Anyway, we decided in the end that it was a wonderful experience and it's always good to get tips on improving your marriage. We did leave with one concrete tip: Create an appreciation list for your husband--even for things he's expected to do. Verbalize or show appreciation with a thoughtful gesture at least three times a week. For 92 percent of men in America, cheating is not primarily about sex. It's about their desire to feel appreciated.
That's not to say that cheating is ever justified. There's no excuse for such base behavior. Jeff knows full well that if he ever cheats, our marriage is over. I'd file divorce papers the next day after the discovery of infidelity. But I do want to work on strengthening our marriage so it never gets to that point.
To wrap up, I had a great time connecting with Amber on the way over and back from Chicago. The show fostered great discussion and it was a great life experience to check off on my list of 100 things I want to do before I die!

New Rules

For way too long I've been way too lenient with the kids. Jeff says I treat them more like my niece and nephew or grandkids than I do my own children. I give them treats all the time, buy them sugary breakfast foods, I wipe up their every spill and mess so they don't have to...and for goodness' sake I've been cleaning their rooms for them!
THIS HAS GOT TO STOP! My desire for sanity at this point trumps my desire to be loved. This past week I've been preparing my family to help out more around the house so when I start working full time again in 2 weeks, it won't be such a shock.
These are some new rules I've decided to impose:
1. Everyone cleans their own dishes after use. I purchased new dinner sets for the kids--they each have their own cup, bowl and plate. After each meal they need to scrape the remaining food off their plates and clean their dishes in the sink.
2. The kids will not leave the house for school until their beds are made and spit from the sink is rinsed after brushing their teeth. Nothing grosses me out more than hardened remnants of spit lining the sink when I get up. Yuck! The rule at Jefferson School is that if kids show up later than 8:25, they miss recess. So the kids have an extra incentive to get their beds made and rinse the sink. And their rooms need to be picked up before they go to bed.
3. FLUSH THE TOILET! I can't believe this has to be a rule. But Max takes after his father and decided, "I really don't like to flush when I pee," he explained. Double yuck!
I thought of adding more chores like folding laundry, taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, etc. but these kids aren't used to doing anything so I figured it's best to gradually ease them into doing little things around the house.
Last night I left Max alone in the kitchen when Jeff and I relaxed in the living room. He was in there about 5 minutes before Jeff said, "I don't he knows how to do dishes." I kind of took that for granted that he knew...so I went in to show him how to rinse off his plate and soap it up and rinse it again.
This morning, I thought it was hilarious that as soon as I woke up the kids to get dressed, they immediately made their beds before coming down for breakfast. Laney exclaimed, "We don't want to be late for school!" As I was making their lunches, they went upstairs to brush their teeth and I heard Max yell, "LANEY, RINSE YOUR SPIT FROM THE SINK! Catherine will be mad if she sees your Cheerios all over!" Laney yelled back, "I'LL RINSE IT OUT IF YOU FLUSH THE TOILET! FOR GOODNESS SAKE, YOU DON'T PEE RIGHT! LIFT THE LID SO IT DOESN'T GO EVERYWHERE!"
Kids...so much work, but sometimes so much fun.

Land of Lincoln

On Saturday, the city of Ottawa commemorated the 150th anniversary of the Lincoln-Douglas debates in Washington Square with a reenactment of the famous August 21, 1858 exchange in which the splitting values of the nation were personified in men known as “The Railsplitter” and “The Little Giant."
I dragged my unhappy husband out of bed at 7:15 this morning to accompany me to this event so I could do a write-up for the PJStar. I drove 2 hours to the venue while he read in the car...it was really peaceful actually to just spend a concentrated amount of time together. I wish I could have Jeff all to myself every day.
As for the event, a crowd of about 200 people showed up to witness the hour-long reenactment debate between Lincoln and Douglas, as portrayed by two actors who have spent decades preparing for the roles and even performing in Washington, D.C.

Truth be told, Jeff took a lot of fabulous pictures for me to submit to the PJStar because (a) he has a better eye than I do and (b) the Ottawa Visitors Society forced the media to participate in this reenactment and ask questions. I was mortified! But in the end it was fun and Jeff even said he had a good time. He perked up even more when we went to an authentic Mexican restaurant for lunch called "Mi Pueblo" located on 221 W. Madison. We ordered 5 tacos with guacamole, salsa and chips and Jeff got a draft beer--all for the whopping price of $9! Is that crazy? It was such a deal. I highly recommend that place if you're passing through Ottawa.

Sick

Jeff startled me today by opening the door at 2:30pm...returning four hours early from work. He never leaves work early and as laid-back as he can be, he's pretty vigilant about putting in his 40 hours a week. He simply said, "I feel like trash. I'm going to bed." He was out cold within 5 minutes. But after dinner he quickly resumed his normal position on the couch in front of the TV. He looks the same to me sick as when he's well.

In fact, Jeff was feeling fine enough by 7:30 to drag me to the Cornstock Theater Play, "On Golden Pond." He asked, "What kind of husband would I be if I didn't take my wife on a date?" To which I responded, "It's a free dress-rehearsal! I'll pay you to skip it!" But Jeff is a theater-maniac. However, by intermission he was tired and wanted to return home. I made him tank tons of juice...and I made him smoothies to get Vitamin C in his system. As an aside, I recommend the play for senior citizens but it's a little slow for the average person. And the quality of acting is much higher than the play's predecessor, "Chorus Line."

Back to School

Today was the first day of school for Max & Laney. Here's a picture of them in their new back-to-school outfits as they headed out the door early this morning. Aren't they darling? They were sugared up with Chocolate/Vanilla Pop Tarts. Since they're attending Jefferson School in Morton, they'll have to get up extra early when they're spending the night with us. Max reminded us five times that if they arrive at school past 8:25 a.m., they'll miss recess as punishment. So Jeff and I will be introducing a new rule in the house next week: They're not heading out the door until their beds are made, spit is cleared from the bathroom sink, and the toilet is flushed!
Tonight Laney and Max called to let us know they made new friends and love their new teachers. Laney didn't think Jefferson would beat her old school, Whittier, since she enjoyed her teacher and classmates so much...but her new school seems really promising.

Flowers

Jeff bought me the most beautiful flowers to congratulate me on my new job. The bouquet of Fuji Mums offers a burst of color on our dining room table. They're my new favorite flower--bold and exotic. They're highly noticeable and people either love them or hate them. I'm afraid that's what my new boss thinks the listening audience of WCIC will think about me--I may be a little too open and out there sometimes for a highly conservative audience and need to develop a strong gauge for sensitivity. I've been told to brace myself for critical attacks on seemingly insignificant things. During small group last night, Jeff prayed, "Dear Lord. Please give Catherine a family-friendly personality!" :) Yes Lord, please do!

The kids are sound asleep now after I sugared them up with brownies and M&Ms. I tried to make this a fun night for them...Laney has been begging me to rent Jaws 2 for the past year. I finally gave in and rented Jaws: the Revenge. (I think it's part 4 in the sequels). Within five minutes after the opening credits she asked us to pop out the DVD. We told her the minute she's too scared we could turn it off. She's so in love with sharks and routinely watches shark attacks on firm, I didn't think it would be a big deal but she opted to watch Dr. Doolittle instead. It's a good thing I rented a back-up.
I also offered to sleep downstairs in the living room with them and they were excited about the idea...but changed their minds at the last minute, preferring the comforts of their bed. I was very relieved!