Loyalty

The word "loyal" comes from the same Hebrew word as "firm." The Psalmists continuously refer to the Lord as a firm place to stand...a rock...a steadfast refuge from the storm. I've been meditating on the word "loyal" recently...What does it mean and how does it play out in my life?
I think it means that you make up your mind in advance that no matter what happens, you'll be faithful. In your mind you're decided on a response to inevitable temptation.
A loyal spouse doesn't wait until someone hits on him or her to choose to deny the advance. That decision should've been made in his or her heart & mind long before such a scenario arose.
I've had people betray me and not keep promises made. I'm experiencing the ripple effects of disloyalty in my life. There's not a whole lot you can do to repair broken trust. It's gone in an instant and it can take years to build back up.
I could not lean on the Lord for all understanding if I didn't trust Him, if He didn't prove Himself faithful to me every day. I have full faith in the Lord that no matter what happens I can stand firm in Him and His promises that He'll never forsake me.
I'm lucky to have a few people in my life who've proven themselves loyal...I found myself in a mess this summer and needed to escape. In an instant, my mother booked my ticket home. It was a financial stretch...but cost didn't play a factor for her. She came through for me without question. Meanwhile I returned the favor by eloping with someone who did not earn my family's trust. It sure stung, but they still stood by me and celebrated my hasty decision by offering us an all-expense paid vacation to the islands.
It was a wonderful time and Jeff got to meet my grandparents. When I hugged them goodbye, my grandfather turned to Jeff and said, "You better take care of her. If you don't, she knows she can always come home. I'll take care of everything." I know they've got my back, no matter what careless decisions I make. I'm certain of my family's unconditional support and love and I'm so grateful for their example.

The Bucket List

A couple of friends and I saw "The Bucket List," a movie in which two men with terminal cancer try to accomplish their lifetime dreams before they die. It was a pretty moving story. It made me think about what I want to do before I die. Here's my list so far:

1. Return to Israel
2. Enjoy a cruise with girlfriends from church
3. Serve a mission with Jeff
4. Give birth twice
5. Go on safari with Jeff
6. Retire in Hawaii
7. Dive w/ sharks with Laney
8. Write a book
9. Grow a vegetable garden
10. Drive from coast to coast across America with my husband
11. Enjoy a meal with Amy Grant
12. Tour Europe
13. See the seven wonders of the world
14. Make a significant contribution to my church and/or a non-profit organization
15. Live abroad. I'll let Jeff choose the place.

Beer

It's official: My life revolves around beer.
I bought Jeff a beer-making kit for his birthday. Big mistake. Big. I abhor the substance but Jeff drinks it daily. Can't live without his liquid bread, he says. Well, now he can't go to bed without checking in on his 5-gallon recepticle of homemade ale. Last night I wanted to crank down the heat in our home and just use a space heater in our bedroom to keep warm. It's cost-effective. "We can't!" protested Jeff. "The beer needs to ferment at a warm temperature."
It's the first thing he checks on before he greets his wife upon his return home from work. Tonight, HE EVEN WRAPPED A BLANKET AROUND THE BEER CONTAINER! He's never even done that for me! :)
He checks its bubbling levels several times a day...I just can't wait 'till it's bottled so I can get my husband's attention back!

Duplicity

"The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity." (Proverbs 11:3)

The most engaging conversation I enjoyed with Jeff all week centered on the subject of duplicity... How someone seemingly innocent and sweet on the surface can mask impure heart motives with a duplicitous persona. It's a scary thing. Things just aren't what they seem. Most of us have fallen victim to someone who's deceived us in some way. And a lot of us (myself included) have at times manipulated our personalities to suit our needs for the moment or to please people who just aren't worth pleasing.
More than anything I want to be a woman of my word, a person who conducts life with integrity. But it's so hard. I've been guilty of putting on airs to impress people and I can't always say that my motives for even serving the Lord are always pure. My sin is a desire for recognition which stems from vanity. I'm blessed with a husband who really doesn't care what people think. With Jeff, what you see is what you get. As long as he's right with the Lord, he doesn't feel a need to defend himself or get approval. I think that's where true freedom lies.
This year, I want to take one step closer to integrity and one step away from duplicity.

Mood

I am the biggest Beth Moore nut. I just think her wild passion for God coupled with her wicked sense of humor creates quite the sword to fight Satan's attacks.
In an effort to lift myself from the muck of depression I've been sinking into since my return to Peoria, I listened to an online teaching by Ms. Moore. For those of you who are interested the link is below:

http://www.lifetoday.org/site/PageServer?pagename=bth_media

I'm paying heed to the "Life Quakes" series...Beth reminded me that while my circumstances leave my wanting sometimes, I've got a choice to change my mood. I can choose to confirm my misery in verbal repetition or praise the Lord to celebrate the greatness of God. A life hasn't changed without a day being changed first.

New Year's Resolutions

My Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for 2008 are:

1. Consult a financial planner to get my family back on track
2. Be an organized, prayerful Sunday School teacher
3. Complete at least one Beth Moore Bible study--I've participated in a bunch of her studies with no follow through
4. Take a daily multi-vitamin
5. Not assuming burdens that aren't mine to bear
6. Invest in healthy, God-centered friendships and say good-bye to those that are toxic
7. Keep in regular, consistent touch with my family in Hawaii
8. Reserve one night a week just for me--whether it's to go out with friends, enjoy alone time in a bookstore or quiet time in a corner...I find myself resentful of my situation when I neglect my needs
9. Pray with Jeff at least five nights a week.
10. Read the Bible from cover to cover...I did this about two years ago and it was a wonderful experience. I still don't know the Word well enough. I need to do it again!

Happy 2008

"In the New Year, may your right hand be stretched out in friendship but never in want." --Old Irish Toast

Jeff and I rung in 2008 surrounded by our dear friends. As we counted down the seconds to say good-bye to 2007, I looked around the room and tried to drink in the deep friendships that have found their way into my heart in the past several months. On this New Year's Day my heart is bursting with gratitude for friendships that are founded in Christ and extended in loving kindness. I would not survive here in Peoria without the people I've met who keep me afloat on their raft of love.

I've been in such a funk upon my return from Hawaii. I miss the ocean, I miss the beauty and I miss my family. I burst into tears at a moment's notice and often feel ill equipped to manage the responsibilities that weigh down my life. But tonight as I reflected on all the miracles that have developed over time, the sweet relationships that have molded my heart for life, and looked at my dear husband...I felt really fortunate to have such rich blessings to count on.

This morning our family also welcomed a new addition--baby Brielle Elizabeth. Is that a beautiful name or what?! Her timing into the world comes at the perfect time for us to celebrate the miracle of new life.

I'm looking forward to all the blessings 2008 will bring!

God Bless!!!